When I opened my eyes, I started to feel the waves of pain. It started with my parents. The words of the Franciscan monk were settling in. I had been so certain I would get to hug them in this lifetime. I didn’t know what time space continuum now separated us. I could feel their presence, still smelling that familiar scent of the ones I loved. It provoked traces of memories but wasn’t the same thing as being able to see them and touch them. I had been looking forward to being born into their world and hanging on my dad’s forearms while he flexed his biceps. I thought I would enjoy years of watching movies on the couch with my mom, while she ran her fingers through my hair and wrapped her arms around me. I didn’t deserve this! Grief and anger wrecked my body.

I looked up and realized the animals and birds I had been admiring were now looking at me, tears in their eyes. As well as many of the people in the caravan. They could feel my pain. And they were about to share theirs.

Every creature. Every emotion.

Every injustice. Every fear.

The more connected I realized I was, the more pain I could feel. It rippled outward and inward, bouncing back stronger with every wave. There was no one beyond reach. At first, it came out in waves of tears. The monks who were most attuned to me dropped to their knees and raised their hands to the heavens, praying to God to put an end to the grief. Those who couldn’t see me looked in my direction as if they could sense it across dimensions.

Every new level of connection resulted in a new level of pain.

The more I loved. The more I hurt.

The more I surrendered. The more I suffered.

It was too intense. Anger screamed from every pore. I realized I was flying through the air, my mouth wide open in anguish. The monks were long gone. I was flying over the river. I could feel the pain and the scream in every cell as I flew. I could feel the River’s pain. The Land’s pain.

All the grief. All the fear. All the anger.

In a flurry of red and orange, I seared the skyline along the cliffs. My entire being burst into flames. Emotions soared and as they soared, so the water soared along with them. Waves were rippling behind me as if I were a motorboat flying 20 feet above the surface. Rising, rising, rising. The water was growing stronger now, step for step with my grief. Crashing against the cliffs as it climbed ever higher. I looked down and could see others drowning in the painful waves of emotions, fear and anger.

I realized my emotions were effecting the river. I could feel the water’s rage intensify even as my own. But I didn’t know what to do about it or how to stop it. I closed my eyes and prayed. And prayed. And prayed. It felt like an eternity passed in every breath.

I prayed for all the creatures I couldn’t help. I prayed for all the creatures who couldn’t help themselves. I prayed for all the creatures who hurt so much that they hurt other people. I prayed for all the people who weren’t even aware of the hurt yet. Prayed that Love would fill the hurt. Prayed that the lightest touch of golden Spirit would bring comfort.

When my eyes were opened, I was surrounded by six sets of rainbow-feathered wings larger than clouds and brighter than gold, an ethereal presence flying right along with me. Surrounding me. The eyes of Seraph Adalian were looking deeply into mine. Golden eyes pierced right through me.

Seraph Adalian opened his mouth and cried into the wind. The sound that came out was like a symphony of strings, a church choir of harmonizing voices. It came out from his entire body as one continuous sound, but as I listened closely I could hear distinct words… “Holy, holy, holy”. Others joined our flight and soon the entire sky was ablaze with flaming wings of red and orange, green and purple, blue and yellow. The seraphim and the phoenix closed their eyes and spread their wings, breathing deeper as we continued to soar. Our mournful cries echoed through the canyon reverberating waves of love and faith to all who could feel it.